I had a pretty beast day today! (: when i got home my mother gave me my computer back from yesterday and im not grounded from my fan or my radio anymore!!! (: I planted my plants and all that shiz and today Jake finally gave me a hug after saying his girlfriend (that b*tch) said he can’t talk to me or hug me. But today he went to give me a high-five and i just like used my finger and tapped his hand. So i am sure he probably felt bad and he like wrapped me in a hug(: but on the down side… he kissed his girlfriend on the stairs and it was “like the most romantic thing ever!!!” eff everything… i am so tired of not being enough…

but hayyyy i got my grades up!! ❤

ehhhh… i hate school…

i think i still like the same guy i liked before jakie boi came along…

he is so cute… ❤

i wish he would talk to me… 😦

i wish we didnt have a history that makes things awkward…

i like seeing his face everyday…

it make me want to come to school… :/

this is my love horoscope for today…

“Something could bring you much closer to someone special. The chance to talk
will reveal exciting interests that you both share, and also pave the way for
new developments in the future. If you have any issues that you need to discuss,
then it is best to get these out of the way first, to ensure a smooth journey
ahead.”

what the fahk…

no…

and this is my weekly singles horoscope… (BTW i am a gemini)

“Your willpower is strong as the week begins, but the rest of your mind and body isn’t as strong as you’d like it to be! You’ve got to slow down the pace just a bit as you’re getting to know someone new, because eloping on the first date isn’t really an appropriate get-to-know-you activity! Veering toward controversial topics on a first or blind date over the weekend could lead to some awkward moments.”

what le fahk is this…

i cant relate to this at all…

http://morethansayings.blogspot.com/2012/04/reason-i-dont-talk-to-you.html

me like…

i suppose i should work on my homework now…

I have been pretending for the past like 2 hours…

peace…

 

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wow… makes me think much differently…

The Blog of Disquiet

I’ve been reading sad books. Books about sad people. While I was reading Suzanne Scanlon’s Promising Young Women (which I reviewed here), I was rereading Two Girls, Fat and Thin by Mary Gaitskill, and at this point in my life I must have reread it five or six times. It’s always a bad idea for me to read this book—I’m always in a funk for a week after, sometimes longer, or perhaps but now it’s just lodged itself somewhere inside me and each time I reread it it’s like lighting a match. Two Girls is about two girls, but it’s also about gender war(s), heterosexuality as violence. Chris Kraus writes about wanting to solve heterosexuality before turning 40 in I Love Dick but I feel like every conversation with single straight women friends over beer is an attempt to solve heterosexuality, and after a few drinks the solution is…

View original post 2,998 more words

I should’ve known. I should’ve know she would do this. I feel like crap. Why is it that I am forced to deal with this at school but then I have to come home to hell and think about it again?! I hate this feeling!!! Like I’m not good enough. I am not good at sports, I’m not good enough for Jake, I’m not good enough for my mom, I’m not good enough for my school. I’m not good at anything.

Basketball try-outs were this morning (@ 6:10) and I did terrible. I went to school, I made bad grades all day. I came home, I do homework and get crap from my mom. Could today get any worse for me?

Elora doesn’t even realise that what she has is everything that I want in life right now. She has Jake, she has amazing athletic talent, she is pretty, she has Jake…

I fell too hard, too fast. He thinks I am mad at him, but I’m not mad. He just led me to believe something that was never going to happen anyway. He is now my history. I tell myself that I have moved on but there is no way in hell i am going to forget about him that fast. They aren’t even happy together. I’m not even happy with myself anymore.

Today I am heading back home to go back to school and deal with my mom again. 😦 I wish I didnt feel like this when I thought about my mom. She just made me like this. I have no sympathy for her anymore. I think she has ruined my desire to want to live with her. Everything just went down the drain after she got into fostering. She says that fostering made our relationship better, but it only made it worse. I want to live with my dad so bad and he even said “just tell me and I will make it happen”. I could tell him anytime I want to live with him but I dont know how to tell my mom. She is just so caught up in being miserable that she focuses on making everything so perfect and she doesn’t even live her life. I just absoulutely do not want to go home. It’s going to suck…

The weather is nice and cold today 🙂 and tomorrow I get to see JAKIEEE BOIIIIII! 😀 I just want to hug him right now… HE is probably the only thing that could make me feel better right now. Just a big, long, warm hug from my best friend(: I will probably post again tonight if I can. If not peace out my friends(;

“Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.”  -Lemony Snicket

“He’s a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But, he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don’t listen. Remember that, do not listen.”

     Some people just make me think that maybe the world isn’t as bad as I percive it to be. Today we wen’t to a resturaunt to watch the Texans vs. Chicago pre-Superbowl game, I wen’t outisde with my step-momma for her to smoke and talk and there was this guy and his girlfriend out there. They were both really friendly and he was REALLY nice. He was telling me stuff like stay away from boys and don’t grow up to fast, then he asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I was honest and told him that I wanted to find a new breed of soldiers to find cures for PTSD and other things that war causes. He was blown away. He said that having our generation being the way it is that that was amazing and to follow through with that dream because that’s what we need in our future. Then we started talking about sports and he asked me if I play any sports and I was like yeah volleyball and basketball. He asked which one I was better or enjoyed more and of course I said basketball. He was really excited when I told him that. He thought it was so cool. Then this guy came up to my step-momma and asked her for a smoke and she was talking to him and he dropped the “F”-bomb and man… the really nice guy was like shhhhhhhhhh! And every time he cussed he would be like shhhhhh! Finally he got really upset and he started talking to me again to get me away from having to listen to him cussing and stuff and it was awesome! He was so sweet and his girlfriend was a very lucky girl. He is going to be a very good father some day (: I had a pretty good day today! The Texans won and I got another reason to talk to Nick on Tuesday! Something really scary happened today!!! I was outside with my Dad and we were cleaning the pool and I heard mumbling. I asked my dad what that was and he said it was probably the TV. I thought about it for a minute and I went up the deck and saw this lady diagnal from our house. She was old (probably 70-80) and she was sitting Indian style saying prayers and speaking in tongues. I told my dad and ran inside and he went up the stairs and looked at her and he was standing there staring at him and said “God Bless” and he ran back inside. So I waited about ten minutes and went back outside to see if she was still out there and when I looked at her she was standing on her trampoline already staring at me. I ran back inside faster than I bet I have ever ran before. It scared the caca out of me!!! 😦 I miss Jake I wanna talk to him but I can’t… my mom disconnected my phone. I MISS MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!! D’: